So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
