You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
