the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
