bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
