i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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