Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The struggles of a small town man whore
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
