Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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