im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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