Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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