why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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