Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
