I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
