So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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