Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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