shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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