Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
