She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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