Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
