remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
