I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
