She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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