Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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