I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had sex on a roof
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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