What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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