i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
