Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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