as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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