never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
