Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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