we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
