i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
