So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
