it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
