This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
