how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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