she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
