I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
