I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
