Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
