they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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