"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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