I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
