sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
