theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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