how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
