And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
