dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
