This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
