At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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