You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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